很想你

我真的很想你.
昨天我终于鼓起勇气打了通电话给你.
没想到我这个月只是一直在逃避.
我边打两份工边学业,为了只是麻醉我自己.
一个月没有联系, 我以为我开始放开你了.
但是, 我又错了.
昨天电话里, 我又恨又气又痛又喜又哀.
听到你的声音, 我溶化了.
知道你在线上如此的近, 我们却如此的远,我的心如刀割.
你知道吗? 我有多么开心能再次和你说话.
我激动的骂你.
我生气你不把我留下.
我恨我们明明还爱对方, 却不在一起.
我讨厌知道你还是默默的在一旁看我.
我更讨厌你如此想念我.
我恨自己一直在逃避.
我很自己每晚难安眠怀念你在我身边.
你那温暖的胸口让我睡得安稳.
请你不要说再见.
听到你要回国再也不回来,
我的心顿时变沉重了.
我好想求你不要走,
可是我已没有资格了.
我的心又下雨了,
这次是暴风雨.
把心里的一切个打乱了,彻底的翻乱了.
我知道此刻我的初恋还没有结束.
因为我们还是相爱的.

Finally its settled

Regardless my family or my love life, it has always been drama mama.
Today i finally gathered up my courage to call him.
Feeling so angry, i scolded him like nobody business,
and i still believed that he is not the kind of bastard everyone thought he was.
Maybe i was naive, mabybe i was love-blinded, but i trust my feelings.
Our love story may have ended abruptly, but our feelings for each other are still there.
But i am assured that our personality really crashes, and we cannot accept each other's way of showing care to each other.
He's neutral and i am affective.
I am glad that he has found his dream and direction in life,
and i am glad i have moved on from this episode.
Maybe teasing and bickering is a better way of communication and showing concern.
Winnie shall move on and not be sad or affected by his actions.
--
Had a mini 03 outing today.
And we went vivo and have a "picnic".
Haha, even though the weather was bad,
we still had our mini picnic on the roof of vivo.
And really enjoyed the games we had together.
--
Tmr i have tns test, and i am going to bed now.
Gawd, its 2.10am already.
And my homework and projects had piled to the top of the coconut tree.
Jiayou Winnie Khoo!!!

Iguides

 Hey peeps, cant believe its already the 2nd week i am staying in school because the time really flies.

Enjoyed this super fun but hectic weeks,

as I had lots of fun with my flatmates.

Stirling #07-05 :)

We had our own ladies night last friday,

breezer, heineken, vodka.

Rebecca was damn funny and comical with all her weird behaviour and comments.

And her obsessions with GUYS.

LOL :P

We also played true or dare,

which was the first time i went to do stupid things to guys that i was not close to.

Imagine calling a guy for 4 times just for a stupid dare. -.-

Enjoyed the gossip sessions we have almost everyday, lol.

And my flatmates are lovely peeps,

i am so gonna miss them.

Ytd we went Giant supermart together,

and we cooked our turkey meal today.

Camwhored too.

 And the "kbox" session by rebecca,

which made the rest of us mugged till 3plus.

I really love the stay with my flatmates!

--

School was sucks other than TNS and Iguides.

Lots of commitment this sem,

and am dying with the huge pile of work and projects.

Dislike the subjects i am taking this sem. >:(

And damn the projects.

Pissed off by ppl that dun understand my feelings,

and just simply so selfish.

Passed the Iguides interview,

and will be one of the gamemasters for TPrawks.

Beginning to love iguides,

with leon, weijie, and liting and yihui are inside too.

Made lots of new friends,

and yep we even went supper just now too hehe.

Love CSC too,

yellow ribbon project,

interaction with fellow mates.

"Give others a second chance, pls"

But the damn tests are all coming up,

deadlines and more deadlines.

Stressed, really!

--

Struggling with work, school and ccas is not easy.

Sometimes, i really feel like i am a superwoman.

Still hate LKF.

But i dun miss him so much already.

Sighs, the memories of us still bug me,

and i really miss the huggies together.

Jiayou, winnie!

Its okay to be alone.

And lastly good night,

its 2.06am now.

 Byebye.

Hostel life

Little did i know the meeting with my course manager today was the interview to shortlist 4 students out of 25 students for the final interview for STB. I just wore a polo and shorts for the interview and it was darn casual. I even told her about my operation after the interview. Gawd, i felt quite relieved, because i knew i am not alone facing all the problems. I really hope my sch can offer me some help because Winnie is tired. However, i enjoyed the interview with her as i was practically chit chatting with her. And so hyped up about my work, and future. Bleak future. No i mean forward looking future. I really hope i can get STB scholarship, which give me hope to my bleak future. PLEASE.

Went back to my hostel with ingah. And then went shopping with Cherie at tampines. Ohmy, I really enjoyed that as it has been a long time since i shopped. And she is really a shopaholic. I wanted to recontract my phone actually, but none of the phones caught my eye. N63? But its so bulky and manly for me. Hopefully, some nice, light slide phone will be available soon.

Actually, living with mates is really an eye opener for me. The moment we had supper together, then we mugged together at the dining table and even chit chatting with Xiao xuan till we both fell asleep. Its really an experience. But there are also problems like housekeeping, catching of insects (caught 3 already in 3 days) and discomfort of bed.

Sometimes i will also feel lonely and empty that i just need to escape from this hostel life. The night i went out for supper with Cravens. The night i poured my sorrows and teared in front of him. And the teardrops for all the problems i faced. And the missing of my mum. And the missing of my grandparents ( since 3 months ago my family broke apart).

Yesterday i dreamt of you kissing me. Indulging me. Protecting me from my fears. Taking away sorrows from me. You are so real. You look at me as if you want to save me, save me from my world. But in reality, we are nobody. In reality, you cannot give me anything. You do not want to give me anything. I hate you, but i hate you more for making me losing myself.

You broke my heart. Or rather i broke your heart. But without you, i am certainly feeling not normal. But i use my studies and work to run away from this fact. The fact that i miss you bloody lots. The fact that i wish you are not the fucking bastard that you are. The fact that i actually initiate this. The fact that you are no longer mine.

The fact that actually I still hurt alot alot alot alot inside.

TNS

Another week full of activities.
Ytd i moved into my sch hostel.
Feeling a lil empty,
missing a lil mum,
and felt overwhelmed with my extended freedom.
But argh, stupid curfew 11pm.
Very emotional these few days due to increasing stress and problems.
And i am craving for him every moment.
Darn, i just wish he is there,
so strong so determined,
like a wall of security protecting me.
Well, but the fact is.. i m just thinking too much.
Yet, i have alot of decision making to do.
Path 1:
Operate next semester,
miss 1 semester,
graduate 1/2 a year later.
Path 2:
Complete diploma,
then operate.
Its a tough choice,
but it is very harder to walk tru the paths.
Gawd...
He told me to live for myself.
But he couldnt give me any comfort or support,
because he was too cold, too detached from me.
And why should he give me support?
And why i am trying to depend on him?
--
Btw i gt into round 1 of the scholarship.
Thankyou my dearies for all your help in that essay.
WE made it!
I must do my best for the interview.
For my future,
for my LIFE,
for my HOPE,
for my family,
and FOR MYSELF.
STB Scholarship i need you.
--
TNS roommates are very nice peeps.
Just had supper with them.
And i <3 roti prata wif egg.
Still craving for mineshine milktea.
Still craving for him.
Can you lend me your shoulder?
Or give me a heartfelt hug?
--
X-nuo at hotmail dot com
A NUMBED gaping wound.

Lemon tree

I <3 TP!
I really didnt regret choosing the poly path.
I have experienced and learnt so much stuff.
I have met and made many new friends.
I have found the passion in my life.
Wed i had my first flag day raising in my life.
Even though it is campus based,
we have met difficulties, awkardness, fun and excitement tru the experience.
Haha mr grozario -.-
10cents LOL LOL.
Started my transnational cds,
and once again i didnt regret it.
Made many friends :D
And I am really looking forward to staying in TP global village.
And my grp members seem fun too.
Random: I think my english is deproving. >:(
--
I dunno whether am i numb by the pain,
or i have no feelings for him already.
He is a closed episode in my life that i wish am not going to look back.
--
I hate the fact that i am missing you,
because i really hate you.
But you cross my mind again and again,
and i cant get you out of it.
Pls spare me from the agony again.
And can i please stop.. stop.
I HATE YOU!
I REALLY DO HATE YOU!
I need to control,
I NEED to control.
GET OUT OF MY LIFE.
I think i am addicted to you just like how i am addicted to milk tea.
<3 Milk tea <]3 you

A new start

The past few days were stressed up, moody and crazy.
Trying to get over a breakup.
Editing and submitting my scholarship essays more than 10 times.
Coping with 2 part time jobs and full time sch.
Coping with 1st week of school.
Life can be so difficult sometimes.
But once again, Winnie survived,
and is continuing to survive well. :)
She promised herself so strong that she did not cry.
Even though a few stubborn tears still slipped out.
She is surrounded by guys that make her scared.
She dunno what to do but continues to trust people.
He seems so reliable, so full of security.
Yet he is so cold so fierce.
I want to avoid him,
but deep inside, i want to meet him.
His remarks are always so hurting,
yet i just love talking to him.
He never remembers what i say,
yet i still wish he did.
I do not and cannot fall for him,
yet i m letting him gaining all my trust.
Oh gawd...
Not again.
And please dun let this love story becomes an unattainable fairy tale again.
Looking forward to french tmr!
:)
--
Winnie is finding back her smiles,
her real laughter.
AND THANKS ALL HER DEAREST BUDDIES FOR THEIR HELP IN THE ESSAY!
LOVE YA!!!!!
<3333333333